Point system
 
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday..............................................................0
You buy a card and flowers...............................................................0
You take her out to dinner.................................................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....................................................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, & your face is painted the  
colors of your favorite team.............................................................-10
 
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.............................................................................
........0
The pal is happily married.................................................................+1
The pal is single..........................................................................
.......-7
He drives a Ferrari.........................................................................
..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).....................................-15
 
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie......................................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.........................................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate.........................................................+6
You take her to a movie you like...........................................................-2
It's called Death Cop 3..........................................................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans................................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..............................-15
 
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.........................................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it....................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts........-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............................................................-800
 
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"  
You hesitate in responding......................................................................
.........................-10
You reply, "Where?"........................................................................
................................-35
You reply, "no, I think it's your butt"...........................................................................
....-100
Any other response........................................................................
................................................-20
 
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression......................................................................
.0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.........................................................................
.................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience...................................................+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do".............................................................................
....................................................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV............................................+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep............................................................-200
 
***********************************************
A Translation Manual
 
 
It's your decision = "The correct decision should be obvious by now."
Do what you want = "You'll pay for this later."
We need to talk = "I need to complain."
We need = "I want"
I'm not upset = "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"
You're so manly = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
This kitchen is so inconvenient = "I want a new house."
Hang the picture there = "NO, I mean hang it there!"
I heard a noise = "I noticed you were almost asleep."
Do you love me? = "I'm going to ask for something expensive."
How much do you love me? = "I did something today you're really not going to like."
I'll be ready in a minute = "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV."
What's wrong? Nothing = "Everything."

this doesn't say women are rotten. It's a generalization type joke. Honestly most of this is true. I have a mother and two sisters. to get them to say what they mean is near impossible an' pleasin' them is almost even harder. I've had two stormy breakups, one was only my girl friend the other was my fiance, and I can tell you it was true there. I worked my butt of to do whatever I could to make them happy as I loved them greatly. My ex-fiance I cared for greatly and would have done anything for her. I changed my life goals and plans thet I had as far back as I can remember for her,  so don't talk 'bout bein' sexist or men bein' rotten. there are good folk an' bad in both genders, but I've yet to find the good in the feminine gender yet. I'm still holdin' out a little hope, though.