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THE RULES OF RURAL MAINE ARE AS FOLLOWS (Read 358 times)
Hondo I. Sackett
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THE RULES OF RURAL MAINE ARE AS FOLLOWS
Aug 22nd, 2008, 10:33am
 
Listen up City Slickers !
 
 
 
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
 
 
 
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
 
 
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
 
 
 
 
4. They are fish. They're live food. That's why they smell funny to you.  But they smell like money to us.  Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 95 goes  south. You do the math!    
 
 
 
 
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
 
 
 
6. So every person in  Maine waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
 
 
 
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
 
 
 
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & dogs. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
 
 
 
 
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
 
 
 
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
 
 
 
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
 
 
 
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
 
 
 
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
 
 
 
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
 
 
 
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
 
 
 
 
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
 
 
 
 
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
 
 
 
 
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
 
 
 
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
 
 
 
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
 
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Well the cowboy, like the red man, you had to leave your land
You can't raise your stock and plant your crop in the gumbo and the sand
Greed disguised as progress has put us to the test
They won't be glad until we're gone from our home out in the west
It's sad to see those good old days replaced with greed and doubt
Soon we'll leave the country, the campfire has gone out
Bid 'em all adieu, you can't turn the world about
The cowboy left the country, the campfire has gone out
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ducktape
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Re: THE RULES OF RURAL MAINE ARE AS FOLLOWS
Reply #1 - Oct 28th, 2008, 11:54pm
 
I've read stuff like that almost identical about the south.  Except for the last one about the snow.  lol
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